My top survival tips for getting on top of the washing

My top survival tips for getting on top of the washing

I recently posted about my laundry routine hacks that keep me sane. While I love these and they have changed the way I approach washing clothes in my home, there are a few key steps that come first. These tips help to reduce the amount of inventory, helps you figure out how often you need to wash, taking time to consider the climate where you live, the current weather and how you dry the clothing.

Once you take a little bit of time to consider these factors and how they impact upon your routine, then you can figure out how best to manage the washing moving forward. It’s one of those chores that we all have to do, so we may as well find the best system to do it well.

RELATED : How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

1. Reduce.

One of the key ways to get on top of your laundry problem is to reduce how much you have. This can easily get out of control. If you have a baby, they need lots of outfits with the amount that they spit up milk, vomit, poop etc. When we did cloth nappies full time, they tended to leak and create more washing. Toddlers tend to go through lots of outfits in a day, especially if they have messy meals (think spaghetti and meatballs), play outside in the dirt and mud and like getting into everything. I have finally invested in some awesome Nature Play suits (these waterproof suits are also great) to help preserve outfits a little longer when getting out and about.

Now that I have a child in school, they suddenly have less washing for me. He puts on his uniform first thing, wears it after school and gets changed into pjs after a bath or shower. This is a huge change from the baby and toddler season with multiple changes a day. It does get easier.

I encourage you to start decluttering the excess clothing in your house. The more you are able to cull from each family member’s clothing wardrobe, the less choice they have, the less they are able to dirty and the less inventory you have to manage. You know your child – if they go through three pairs of trackies in winter because they can’t avoid jumping in muddy puddles, you will need to keep more pants for them than the child who prefers to stay indoors and watch Peppa Pig jump in muddy puddles. There is no right number or amount – it has to work with your family. I like having lots of options in my wardrobe but am trying to reduce this. Now that I’m done with having babies, I’m finding it easier to let things go

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2. Frequency.

Figure out how often you want to do the washing. For me, I’m happy to do a load or two most days in summer and will have a few days off too. Come winter and that makes things hard without a dryer. I feel like I have to do a load of laundry every day to have enough space out my drying racks. 

RELATED : How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

3. Climate.

Take a moment to think about where you live. What is the climate? Do you have lots of sun? Wind? Rain? Snow? For us, we’re pretty lucky. We’re in South Australia. It’s often warm and sunny, and we get gully breezes. It rarely rains here (the driest state in the driest continent of the world) and doesn’t snow. We can get by without a dryer and use drying racks inside in winter.

For us during summer, I can put a load of washing on in the morning, hang it out and it will be dry within an hour. During autumn and spring, I can hang out a load in the morning and take it off in the afternoon. This is satisfying. This means we can own less clothing because our drying method doesn’t take much time. During winter, it can get annoying. Drying items inside seems to take forever (and there’s that musty smell). I need to do daily loads to keep on top of it, and need to have extra clothing items for when things don’t dry in time.

What is the weather like where you live? How does it affect what types of clothing you own and how much?

4. Drying.

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

Consider how you dry your washing. Do you have a yard or veranda? Do you have a rotary washing line? Pull out? Is it in the sun or shade? Do you have a dryer? Do you use drying racks inside? This can influence how many items of clothing you own. If you have the ability to dry clothes at any time of day or in any weather, this can reduce the amount that you need.

It might be worth investing in some new methods of drying if it means that you can tackle the laundry with ease. For us, this might mean buying some more clothes airers, an undercover washing line and looking into a dryer. For you, it might mean trailing a washing line to make use of sunshine and wind.

Closing thoughts:

In closing, getting on top of the pile of laundry can feel impossible. The more kids we have and the busier our lives get can make this a losing battle. However it doesn’t have to be all hard.

By taking the time to reduce our clothing inventory, we can take back some control over how much washing we need to do. Our personal preferences over how often we want to do laundry, where we live and how we dry our clothes all play a part in how we approach this chore.

When we figure out what works for us and our family, and form some good routines and methods for washing our clothes, we can stay on top of it. It might become less of a dreaded job and start to become more enjoyable somehow. Happy washing!

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

Doing the laundry is one of those jobs that never feels done. We always wear clothes so there’s always something to wash, something to hang, something to bring in, something to iron, something to fold, something to put away. It’s never ending. As an adult it’s annoying. As a parent, especially as a new mum, it can be overwhelming. Suffocating even.

Some people I know are able to ignore the baskets of washing scattered around the house. They joke about how the pile looks like a Christmas tree when you put a star on top. It frustrates them but they are happy to live in the chaos.

For me though, I can’t stand it. Seeing washing baskets inside stresses me out. My heart rate actually increases and I can’t relax. I’m not able to ignore the unfinished job. I remember back to when my eldest was a baby. I’d be sitting on the couch holding him as I fed or he slept.

I’d look around the family room and my eyes would be drawn to all the tasks that I hadn’t had a chance to get to yet. As much as I loved being a mum and adored my bub, it was hard seeing my home unravel and not be able to do anything about it. Now that I have three little ones, the amount of washing, dishes and toys have increased. It’s just that much harder to stay on top of it all.

I think we all have areas in our house that bother us, and chores that are important to get done in a timely fashion. My top three areas of stress are the kitchen, toys and washing. Once I realised what these were, I’ve developed systems to stay on top of managing these.

It’s important to figure out what these areas of focus are, what your level of tolerance is, and how well you need the tasks to be completed.

For me, I need things done and away. Although a perfectionist at heart, I’m no longer interested in perfect. I know that’s not achievable, especially not in my season. I have had to lower my standards since becoming a mother.

RELATED : Survival tips for getting on top of the washing

While I have a separate post on survival tips to get on top of the washing, here are my laundry hacks that keep me sane:

1. Designate areas on the line.

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

If you have an old school Hills Hoist line (the one that spins around), allocate every member of your family a side. If you have four people, hooray! Everyone gets a side. If you have less, allocate one for linen and towels. If you have more, some can share. In my family we have five people, so our kids have their own side and hubby and I share (I guess we share a bed so we can cope with sharing the washing line!).

2. Coat hangers.

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

Whilst travelling in Asia, I saw people drying clothes on coat hangers all the time. Such a simple idea but it can make such a difference. Use coat hangers to hang things that normally get hung. This way, the creases can come out and you can transfer them straight from the line to your wardrobe without needing to fold and then hang up. Store extra coat hangers in your laundry if you have space or even just on the line.

3. Use the delay cycle.

Most washing machines these days multiple options and settings. Put a delayed cycle on overnight so you can hang out in the morning. This uses off peak energy so it can be a cost saver. Alternatively if you are not a morning person, program it to finish in the early evening , so you can hang them out in the dark.

Figure out what your ideal time to put on the machine is, and when it’s most convenient to hang out. For me right now, this means nap time (which utilises solar power) or once the kids are in bed so I can enjoy some quiet time getting jobs done.

4. Label the laundry baskets.

How my laundry routine hack keeps the washing (and my sanity) under control

This hack might seem ridiculous and a tad overkill, but hear me out. It’s revolutionised my life (at least when it comes to washing anyway). Make sure that you have one laundry basket for everyone in the household. They have to stack together (you can buy 6 sturdy ones for $77 on Amazon). Next, write everyone’s name on one in permanent Texta. You need at least one per member, and an optional extra one for linen.

Grab a thick permanent marker, even different colours ones if you want, and write everyone’s name on a basket. If it helps, write their size next to their name (this is particularly helpful for your other half to remember what size little ones are in right now).

5. Taking off the washing.

When it’s time to take off the washing, simply place your baskets on the ground in age order (or alphabetical or rainbow colour!), take off each item from their side of the line and into the correct basket. Fill up the baskets as you empty the line, and take them inside.

Put them inside the bedroom they belong to. With older children and partners, you can expect them to put this away and then return the basket to the laundry. Personally I don’t fold, because my kids often pull out all their clothes. If I don’t spend time folding, I don’t panic when the clothes end up on the floor (because they do).

In my stage, I put away the baby’s clothes, and depending on the day will either put the toddler and eldest’s clothes away too, or ask them to do it with me. (Sometimes like packing up toys, it’s just quicker to do it myself. There’s time later to train them to do it.)

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I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer washing to be done not perfect. Not folded or ironed but at least away and out of sight. On sunny or windy days, I aim for out and in on the same day. It means I can have laundry free days where I can focus on cooking or cleaning or just getting through the day.

I no longer dread doing the washing or putting it away. It now feels achievable, dare I say it, almost fun, now that I have a system. My hubby initially thought I was a bit crazy buying so many laundry baskets but now he gets it. It’s a simple solution to a chore that that quickly becomes overwhelming.

He does his fair share of washing, especially on weekends or days he is home with the kids while I work. He will do the job from start to finish because the system works. As our boys get older and have more practice, they will regularly put away their clothes to develop responsibility and to take pressure off of me.

I’ve found that by decluttering what we have, it has reduced how much inventory I need to wash. This has been a lifesaver for me as a busy mum. If we can sell and donate the excess, the washing will stay under control.

Do you have a system or hack for keeping the laundry under control? If not, and you find it becomes all too much, perhaps give this a go. Let me know how it works for you!

Leave a comment below or come say hi on Insta.

“I’m just a …” Why we need to be intentional about how we talk about ourselves.

“I’m just a …” Why we need to be intentional about how we talk about ourselves.

I’m just a mum.

I’m just a relief teacher.

I’m just a …

How many times have you uttered these words: “I’m just a …”

It often happens subconsciously. We often don’t mean it.

We just seem to downplay our role. Our stage. Our season.

We feel that because we have taken time off to raise children, gone part time, taken on a different role, declined a promotion, earn less or stepped away from our career that we are less of a person. That we aren’t as interesting or valuable or worthy.

That perhaps if we include the word ‘just’ when explaining what we do, it might stop someone else from using it. We either feel that what we are doing is less important or worry that the other person might think that. Because work in the home is often seen as less important, less valued, if even seen at all.

Many of us go from working full time in a professional career to taking some time away to have a baby. We are all changed from this experience. Even if we return to the same job with the same hours, we are no longer the same. We have grown a life inside of us.

RELATED : Reducing the overwhelm.

We have an attachment with a little human. Our bodies look and feel different. Our sleep is disrupted. Our homes are full of baby stuff. Our brain doesn’t work like it used to. We are no longer the same person. Everything is different.

For those who return to work, the juggle becomes real. Most women feel like they have to be the perfect worker and perfect mum and don’t know how to do it. They feel like they are failing at both, or feel bad when they let one of them down. Their time is divided and the mental load is insane. They can want to be home with their baby but then when they’re with their baby, feel bad that they should be at work.

For those who stay home full time, it can be hard to justify what they do. They are home all day but have nothing to show for it. Even the simple act of having a shower or eating breakfast or lunch can feel impossible. They are needed constantly and it is hard to get anything done. They don’t have a boss to show work to or hear any praise from. It can feel like no one notices what they do.

They no longer earn a pay cheque so can feel like they are not productive or independent. They not only stop having money going into their bank accounts, but also contributions to retirement. Time out of the workforce can stunt career development and opportunity to work up the corporate ladder. It can be isolating and incredibly lonely.

RELATED : 12 money saving tips for parents

For those who go back to work part time, they have the best of both worlds. They also struggle in both areas too. They can feel like they don’t do either well. They aren’t really SAHMs and they aren’t full time workers either. They feel they need to justify how they spend their time. Their career can feel like it’s on hold. They miss out on some meetings and forget to be told about some things.

They get overlooked for promotions and opportunities. Their days at work are so busy as they have to get up to speed with what happened when they were away and feel they have to prove themselves. Their days at home are busy with fitting in all the appointments, meal planning and prepping, cleaning, present buying and playing.

I find myself in this third camp but have been a stay at home mum too. It’s an adjustment after working full time. I miss earning money and feeling important in my job. I miss having a single focus and feeling good at something.

For the last five years, I’ve fallen into this pattern of using ‘just’ in my language. I’m learning to catch myself and stop. Now I try to say things like:

“I’m a mum. I’ve chosen to stay home with my kids.”

“I’m a teacher. I’ve chosen to work in a relief role right now so I can be more available to my family. I like not having to bring work home and can stay home more easily if my children are sick.”

Although I know logically that what I do for a job does not shape my identity, it can be hard to remember. We live in a society that places importance on what we do.

RELATED : Why adjusting to isolation was hard, but why I’m not ready to come out of it just yet …

I’m learning that who I am and who I care for are just as important as what I do for a job. Being a mother is the most important job that I’ll ever do.

I am not ‘just’ a mum.

I am not ‘just’ a relief teacher.

I am not ‘just’ anything.

Words are powerful. When you change your language, you value yourself more. When you value. yourself more, others will see you differently and value you more too. We become more self assured and confident in who we are and the choices that we have made. The language we use affects the way that others see us.

I challenge you this week to think about the language that you use. Think about how it affects the way that others see you. Try to be more intentional about what you say, especially how you talk about yourself.

You are not ‘just’ anybody.

Parenting through a pandemic – how Covid has changed the way my kids play.

Parenting through a pandemic

This pandemic has affected all of us in some way, shape or form.

For some, it’s meant a halt to travelling overseas. Limited our ability to earn a wage or keep a business afloat. It has reduced social interaction and dating opportunities. Changed our retirement plans. For others it’s make it hard to visit loved ones in hospital or nursing homes, or say goodbye when the time comes.

For those of us with children, Covid has changed the way we parent. As a mum of three boys five and under, it has been a challenging time. We’ve felt stir crazy. I’ve missed my friends and know that my kids have missed theirs too.

For many young children, the world with Covid is all they know. It has been amusing to me, to sit back and watch their play. I can’t help smiling at the ways Covid has started to change this. To them, they are just living out their reality of living through a pandemic. They are trying to make sense of the world they are living in.

Here are some of the ways my two older boys aged 5 and 3, have incorporated Covid into their play.

Social distancing

While playing with a wooden treehouse, my eldest carefully placed little stepping stones along the fake grass. He had some gnomes balanced on top of these. “They’re social distancing mum. They can’t go any closer. They need to make sure they leave gaps in between.” Other times they have drawn crosses on the ground in chalk so their bikes can be spaced apart. They stick masking tape on the wood floor for them to social distance when playing games. Matchbox cars have to leave a gap between each other. Teddies can’t sit right next to each other for tea parties. Pictures in their sketchbooks show space in between people.

There is always a clear spot to stand on and a gap to keep apart. My children take it very seriously because they see us doing it in real life. They don’t always like the rules but understand they need to be followed. They don’t want to get in trouble for doing the wrong thing. My eldest reads signs and asks questions about what it all means. It’s a lot to take in for anyone.

Hand sanitiser

My boys are used to washing their hands regularly, or at least being reminded to, and using hand sanitiser when out. One time we went to the supermarket together and went to the automatic dispenser. It deposited a huge amount into my son’s hand. “Ugh!” he exclaimed. He proceeded to rub it all over my arm. “All better.”

One day at kindy pick up, my then two-year-old argued over having to do hand sanitiser. I eventually won the battle and he agreed to put it on. He then crawled around on his hands and knees, licking the ground. “I’m a puppy dog. Woof woof!” He spent the next ten minutes grabbing things off the ground with his mouth, licking everything, dropping his dummy for fun so he could pick it up with his teeth and just generally being disgusting, much to the dismay and worry of the staff and parents watching on. At least he had clean hands.

My then four-year-old ran out to greet one of our friends. He grabbed the hand sanitiser we keep by the door and held it out for our friend.  “You need to use this before you come inside.” We were mortified. We’d never modelled doing this or asked them to do it but our friend was a great sport. He agreed that it was important and proceeded to clean his hands thoroughly before he entered the house. He commented that we had our children well trained.  Despite our embarrassment, it was a funny moment and we were proud of our boy for taking steps to keep our family healthy and safe.

Covid Safe Check In

When we visit shopping centres, church, play cafes or have appointments, my boys are used to the routine of checking in. They want to do the right thing and follow the rules so like to remind me. “Mum, don’t forget to check in! Can I do it?” This translates to their play at home. When my boys play pretend cafes and shops, they always make sure that there’s a Covid Safe check in at the front. They draw one and sticky tape it wherever they are playing. “Don’t forget to do your check in. Ding! Can I see the tick?”

They have fun creating QR codes to put around the house. Barcodes of all shapes and sizes have appeared in the most random of places. They even made one for our front door so our guests adhere to the rules. People have a little chuckle when they visit and sometimes get out their phone to pretend which of course the boys love.

Covid Marshall

When assigning roles to play, along with the typical mum, dad, cat, baby, princess, policeman etc, they now include a Covid Marshall, naturally. “I’m the Covid Marshall.  I make sure that everyone follow the rules, checks in and social distances. I get to wear a lanyard so people know who I am.” They enjoy getting to be this role because they of course enjoy bossing others around.

My toddler is slightly addicted to tv (confession time). Whenever he hears talk of Covid Marshalls, he finds it all a bit confusing. “Like Marshall from Paw Patrol” he exclaims. “Paw Patrol Marshall!” He breaks into an uncontrollable giggle.  It’s a lot for a three-year-old to comprehend. Even some of us adults, let’s be honest.

Covid testing

One of the new games that our kids like to play is ‘Covid testing.’ It’s a fun game where the balance board is placed on its side to form a semi-circle and the boys sit behind it. I drive my pretend car past, after booking in online of course. We all put our masks on, then they ask for my details.

To save time, I have my printed form with a QR code ready to go. Once verifying my identity, they tell me what to expect. “Now this isn’t going to hurt. It will just tickle your tongue and tickle your nose. Be brave and you’ll get a sticker!” My test comes complete with a torch being shone down my throat so they can properly assess what they are dealing with. They are very thorough with their tickling.

One can’t be too careful with Covid testing. It’s a serious business. I must be a good patient because I am presented with stickers. Lots of stickers. I am also bandaged multiple times because apparently I’m very sick and need to rest. I am praised for my bravery and told to keep an eye out for my results. They will message me later.

I am told to come back and get tested right away, because it’s the game and otherwise it will be boring. I drive back into the waiting bay, and this time I go by a different name. This confuses my eldest, because I am still Mummy, but eventually he gets the idea that I’m just pretending to change my name.

I don’t have a printout with my new identity which bothers him. He quickly excuses himself so he can scribble a new one for me, I mean Cynthia Ashlee Harper Rosedale. My two big boys mask up and take turns looking down my throat and tickling my nose. It really is a wonderful experience. Off I go to await results. This involves lying on the carpet on my tummy.

I always hope that perhaps they might come and play cars on my back, play with my hair or give me a back massage. It looks more like being jumped on, stacked on top of, hair becoming a tangled mess or my back being karate chopped and wobbled. After a minute or two of fearing for my life and longevity of my back, I scramble to a different, somewhat safer position.

A few little random moments

  • Once we tested positive, my eldest put a sign on the front door. With my help he wrote, “we have Covid so please don’t come in.” He drew a self-portrait with a mask on.  He keeps saying to me, “I can’t believe I actually have Covid. Can you believe we have the Coronavirus Mum?” My three year old has been saying in a husky little voice, “I have Covid! I have Covid!”
  • When our boys play doctors, they now wear masks (sometimes two each), ask questions about their movement interstate and overseas, if they are vaccinated and if they are feeling well. They give each other pretend injections and booster shots. For some reason they particularly love giving their parents injections (clearly you can never have too many).
  • When they come to chat to me while I’m on the loo, they accompany me to the bathroom afterwards. “Mum, you need to sing Happy Birthday while you wash your hands! Two times!” Thanks Wiggles and Playschool I mumble under my breath as I agree that yes, I should wash my hands for longer and reluctantly join them in song.
  • During early 2020 when things were starting to get serious (but it was still far away from us in South Australia), my then three-year-old was trying to make sense of it all. He would cheekily say ‘coronavirus’ instead of ‘cheese’ when posing for photos. This tended to be awkward out in public.

Despite the challenges of the pandemic, these moments are a nice reminder that it’s not all been bad. I knew I had to write them down or they’d get lost in the chaos of daily life. Our children can still find joy in the everyday as they navigate the world around them.

How has Covid affected the way your little one’s play?

I’d love to hear down below!

Why you shouldn’t feel bad for not living up to the Bluey standards of parenting.

Why you shouldn’t feel bad for not living up to the Bluey standards of parenting

Bluey is such a wonderful show. It’s clever, uplifting and funny. It’s loved by children and parents and has taken the world by storm. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s well worth watching.

However when Bluey comes up in conversation, I often hear mums make comparison to Chilli and Bandit. They feel bad for not playing with their kids so beautifully and so often like Bluey’s parents do. They want to but they just don’t know how to do it. This makes them feel guilty and get down on themselves.

I get it. I strive to be a fun mum, who plays with her kids, spends five hours outside each day, hikes our national parks, plays in the creek, goes to the beach. I love being present with my kids.

For the last five years I have either been awfully sick whilst pregnant or breastfeeding. I have had a child with a dozen specialists, needing constant appointments. Trying to balance work, home life, errands and the mental load is a lot.

Right now I have a preschooler, toddler and baby.

It takes forever to leave the house, even for a walk. I try to breastfeed whilst breaking up sibling fights. I put bubs to sleep and my toddler keeps running into the room yelling. I try to hang washing and having two children crying. I go to the toilet and having conversations about why I sit down to wee but daddy stands up.

If I have a spare minute, I look around at the chaos not knowing whether to duck to the loo alone, make myself lunch, make a coffee (now I’ve boiled the kettle three times), start thinking about what’s for dinner, empty the recycling, reply to that message, fill out that form, clean under the highchair, fill up the birdbath, hang out the washing or wipe down the sink. My toddler wants me to sit down and watch an episode but I know if I do that, I’ll be chasing my tail all afternoon. It’s a constant pull in multiple directions and it’s easy to feel guilty about whatever I’m neglecting in a single moment.

My evenings are spent catching up on the unfinished jobs of the day. Cleaning up, paperwork, watering the garden. Exercise. Time with hubby. Bubs is in our room so it’s difficult to tidy or organise or put the light on to read.

My sleep is broken and we often have a child or two in our bed, or on the mattress beside us. We are exhausted.

It’s just so constant and I don’t often have my hands free to drop everything and just play. If I do, it’s often interrupted and just so hard.

That’s ok. I’m doing my best. It’s a stage.

Coming back to Bluey.

It’s helpful to learn, or remember, that Bluey is 6 years old and her sister Bingo is 4.

Parenting a school age child is different to that of a preschooler or toddler. Your capacity is different. You might be getting more sleep at night and be able to get some things done in the day.

They will spend some time at kindy or school and you’ll have breaks from each other.

Their ability to play games is different, even just that much older. They have a longer concentration span. They can take turns. They enjoy playing pretend.

This age group doesn’t need nappy changes or day sleeps. These sisters don’t have a baby sibling requiring constant attention. Chilli isn’t pregnant or recovering from a caesarean section. It’s easier to be present with your children when you have both of your hands free.

It’s also just a cartoon. It’s not real life.

We can strive to be a better version of ourselves and be inspired by the wonderful show that Bluey is, and also remember that no one is perfect. Chilli and Bandit aren’t perfect parents and they’d be the first to admit this.

One day you’ll look back and wonder how you managed it all. How you coped during the wonderfully hard season of little ones.

Keep this in mind to alleviate some of the guilt that comes with not living up to the Bluey standards of parenting. Give yourself some grace. You’re doing the very best you can.

❤️

How to do it all as a woman?

How to do it all as a woman

Answer: You don’t.

You can’t.

You simply shouldn’t have to.

When you type the following phrase into Google; ‘How to do it all as a,’ guess what words drop down below?

Woman. Working mom. Single mom. Mom. These are the top four answers provided.

I didn’t see ‘man’ or ‘working dad’ or ‘single dad’ ordad’ come up as an option. Why is that?

It’s because we rarely refer to men as working fathers. Their success is boxed into different roles. As a successful CEO. As an entrepreneur. As an author. As a talented footballer. As an amazing father.

People still commend them for ‘babysitting their kids.’ They get praised for leaving early to take care of a sick child or taking the morning off for sports day or assembly. By taking time to look after their children, they are seen as compassionate, gentle and a family man. Don’t get me started on how some people hail dads as heroes when they simply complete a basic parenting task.

I remember one day we were invited to a picnic for relatives we rarely see. I was a sleep deprived mother who had packed the bags and the car with everything we needed for the afternoon. I spent the first two hours breastfeeding, then changing, supervising play on a rug, and then rocking bubs to sleep. During this time, hubby was enjoying a beverage or two, chatting to people, handing out Christmas cards (that I’d written), kicking around the footy and trying his hand at an impromptu game of cricket.

When bubs awoke, I decided to take the opportunity for a bathroom break before I needed to start the feeding cycle again. I gently asked hubby if he could change our son’s nappy while I was gone. Before I’d barely moved away, you should have seen the flurry of excitement that this event resulted from a man changing a nappy. Honestly. The older ladies gathered around in a circle, calling out that wasn’t he amazing for changing the nappy. Wasn’t he such an amazing dad. Look at him with his son.

I was gobsmacked. Had they not seen what I’d been doing for the whole time before this? It was like everything I had done was an assumed duty, an expectation. It wasn’t noticed until a man did the same thing, and then it was put on a pedestal and praised.

My hubby gets irritated at the incredibly low bar placed for fathers. It almost assumes that most men are either incapable of looking after their children, or don’t often do it well. That goes for domestics too.

Oh isn’t he amazing!’

He’s such an amazing dad. Look at how he plays with the kids.’

He did the shopping for you?

‘I can’t believe he cooks dinner two nights a week.’

‘That’s nice he’s watching the kids so you can have a girls night.’

A women’s success and self worth is woven together with all of her different roles and the expectations that she will fulfil them all to a high standard. The bar seems impossible to reach. Often these expectations come from deep within us. We expect greatness from ourselves. We also demand this from other women, which I’m not really sure why. Maybe our own insecurities spark judgement on other women’s choices.

Have you ever heard someone been told she’s a great mum because she plays with her kids?

Normally I hear women feeling bad because she forgot it was sports uniform or library borrowing day. “I’m such a bad mum.” Pretty sure I’ve never heard a bloke call himself a bad father merely for forgetting something.

I see a real problem with this. Why is there so much pressure placed on women to do it all and do it perfectly? Don’t get me started on the relentless pressure to look put together all of the time either.

We often hear about the mental load of motherhood. How there’s so much on our minds to think about, do and organise.

Meal plan. Grocery shop. Meal prep. Cook dinner. Purée baby food.

Make snacks. Cook meal for that friend going through a hard time. Cleaning. Washing. Ironing. Folding. Putting away. Putting grown out of clothes aside for next child / hand down / donate / sell. Buy new size clothes.

Put stuff away. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Research schools, organise tours, fill out forms, arrange interviews; buy uniforms, shoes, stationery. Pack lunchboxes that are healthy, packaging free, allergen aware and that your kids will actually eat. Clean out lunchboxes before holidays and you forget that rotten piece of fruit.

Enrol kids in sport. Forms and uniforms. Use vouchers. Become taxi driver. Figure out logistics and how to coordinate everyone’s schedules. Pack and unpack the car.

Remember birthdays, rsvp to events, buy cards and presents, write in them, wrap them, remember to bring them. Bring something to school to celebrate their special day with their class. Make invitations for parties and keep track of rsvps. Plan and execute party remembering to hand out lolly bags at the end. Prepare for Christmas. Figure out what to get everyone and try not to spend too much. Hide them away and remember where you put them into wrap them later.

Organise the family social life. Research tradies and book in quotes. Pay deposits and invoices. Book immunisations, CAYHS, doctor, dentist, orthodontist and hairdresser. Book in date nights, arrange babysitters, plan weekend getaways and holidays.

Do something with photos. Write in baby books. Record special memories and funny sayings.

Work. (Paid work).

If simply reading this list has made you feel tired, that’s how most of us feel. Burnt out. Exhausted. Over it. Some about to have a nervous breakdown.

Too many hats and balls in the air. Something has to give.

Please know that I am not at all saying that men do not have much on their plate. They certainly do. Many do their fair share of caring for children, shopping, cooking and domestics. They take care of the yard and do projects and fix things and coach sport teams and a million other tasks. I just think that the expectations for men and women are vastly different.

I find nothing wrong with women having a career, moving up the corporate ladder, going back to work after having children and earning leadership positions in companies.

I grew up with my parents in very traditional roles. My father went out to work everyday and my mother stayed home to care for the children and look after the domestics. It was normal and they were happy and secure in their defined roles.

At a young age, I clearly remember going to the shops and wanting to buy a business shirt. I saw one in my size that had a pocket to carry a pen and a notebook. Never mind that it was Dwight Schrute yellow; it was smart and had a breast pocket and I wanted to have an important job and get money. At ten I had aspirations and couldn’t wait to achieve them. I wasn’t allowed to buy the shirt and was pointed instead in the direction of a pretty pink top and lacey white socks.

Here are five things that busy women can do to create boundaries and balance in their lives:

1. Good enough is good enough.

Not everything has to be perfect. Take shortcuts, and only do what you have to do. In my house, I make sure that the washing is put away because seeing baskets full of dry clothes stresses me out. I don’t iron, ever. I also don’t fold. I simply shove it in the correct drawer and move to the next task. I have a basket labelled for each person and hubby puts his own away. My kids are still young and pull their clothes out just for fun. There is no point ironing or folding for this to happen so I don’t waste my time.

Take shortcuts. Buy a Dyson or Robo vacuum. Buy pre-made lasagne and garlic bread. Have takeaway or fakeaway nights. Eat leftovers. Make a bulk lot of mince for spaghetti one night, then do Chilli con carne the next, and shepherd’s pie after that. If people complain about the menu, get them to plan next weeks meals and help cook sometimes. Older kids can take turns cooking. Keep it simple and share the load.

2. Talk about expectations.

Share with each other what things were like growing up and the roles that your parents assumed. Who went out to work, who stayed home, who cooked, who cleaned, who did yard work? Do they want you to be like their mother? Would they prefer you home in this season? Would they prefer you to have your career and they swap with you and be home, or work part time?

Could you hire an aupair or nanny to take off some of the pressure? A change can be a good thing for everyone involved. Some couples thrive when they have defined roles, and others prefer to share. I love when I get to mow the lawn and hubby stays inside to cook and watch the kids. Do what works for you.

3. Divide and conquer.

Everyone needs to pitch in. It shouldn’t all be up to you. You might need to write down all the tasks that you both do and actually allocate them. Give your kids jobs to do. Work as a team. Build in daily and weekly routines to family life so it doesn’t become a nagging reminder. We’ve all seen the joke that the husband says he’s going to bed, and, goes to bed.

The wife says she’s going to bed but has to complete the thirty tasks before her head hits the pillow. How is this fair? Why do we accept this as the way things are and make jokes about it? Put things into place so this doesn’t become normal in your reliant family.

4. Outsource.

Whatever you can’t do yourself or delegate to someone in the family, pay someone to do it for you. Hire a cleaner. Pay someone to do the lawns. Hire a nanny, whether live in or part time. It might cost you money but otherwise it will be with your time.

There are stages when it will make sense to work more and pay for people to do things that you can’t do yourself. There might be other times when it is better to reduce your hours and save money on these things. This will constantly evolve as your family grows and changes, as your career progresses and you prioritise things differently according to the season.

5. “You can have it all. Just not all at once.”

Oprah Winfrey made this wise statement which rings true for us. We can have the amazing career, raise young children, cook beautiful meals, boast a clean and tidy house, entertain guests, run the household, volunteer and travel the world. We can live a wonderful, fulfilling life but we don’t have to do everything at once.

We can’t do it all at once, and if we do, it won’t all be done well. We don’t need to pretend to be superheroes or super women. We simply have to choose what takes priority in our lives right now and place lower importance on the rest.

A lovely colleague and friend of mine often speaks to this quote. She stayed home to raise two sons. She remembers struggling when they were little and they were on one wage. Their fun outing was feeding the ducks with stale crusts kept aside in the freezer. She wouldn’t change a thing though as she loved being there for her young boys.

She went to uni when the youngest was at kindy and became a teacher. Her boys are now grown, and her and her hubby work full time. They enjoy having money to play with. They ride motorbikes on weekends, travel around Australia in their deluxe caravan and when not affected by restrictions, travel overseas at least annually. They enjoy renovating their home and love their life. My friend gently reminds us young mothers of this quote and that there will be plenty of time to ‘do it all’ later on.

Last thoughts

In closing, I don’t think that women can do it all. We shouldn’t have to. We need encouragement to do what we can and support to do what we can’t. We can’t continue to carry the majority of the household load while raising children and remembering all the things and running ourselves ragged.

We need permission to decide what is most worthy of our time and energy, and be released to somehow let go of the rest. The harsh truth is, no matter how devoted you are to your job, if you left, they would hire someone else within a month. You are indispensable at work but no one else can be a mother to your children like you can. You are irreplaceable. Your role of wife or partner, and mother should take top priority (Erma Mayes).

Start saying no to the tasks that you cannot devote time to and shrug off the ridiculous expectations that we so often place upon ourselves. Ignore the comments and snide remarks of those who don’t understand your choices. Do what you need to do to help you and your family survive and thrive in this season.

❤️

(Special mention goes to Cathy Kelly and her book, ‘Always and Forever’ Allison Pearson and her book, ‘I don’t know how she does it’ and the wise Erma Mayes who spoke to my local MOPS group for some ideas and inspiration for this post.)

How reducing the clutter brings more calm

The longer I’ve been parenting, the more I’ve realised that by reducing the clutter, it brings more calm. The less inventory we have to manage, the happier we feel. Although my name highlights being savvy with money, if you’ve been around here a while you’d know that it’s not all that I’m about.

I’ve been on a journey of minimalism over the last few years. When I became a mother five years ago, I was suddenly aware of how stuff bothered me.

How it would stress me out.
Distract me from the task at hand.
Overwhelm me.
Make me feel anxious.
Dominate my time.
Steal my joy.

Speaking to many parents, I’d hear a common response- ‘you’ll get used to it.’ The gist was that kids just come with lots of stuff. It comes with the territory.

Learn to live with it because it ain’t going to change in a hurry.

However, not all responded like that. Some were like a breath of fresh air.

‘It doesn’t have to be this way.’ You can be a parent and have less stuff. You don’t have to spend your days picking up after your kids. You don’t have to have constant washing baskets all over the house. You don’t have to have toys scattered everywhere. It doesn’t need to be this hard.

This was a relief to me. It made sense to me. It was permission giving and empowering.

By learning how to live with less, I started decluttering what we didn’t need or love. This reduced the excess in our home, helped us to focus better and freed up space.

Selling the excess allowed me to fund better quality, open ended toys (think duplo, Lego, train sets and Connetix tiles). We have less stuff that gets played with more often.

We utilise the local toy library. This helps us to have a fresh rotation of toys, games and puzzles as often as we like. It keeps our boys engaged and reduces how much we need to own ourselves. Toy libraries reduce our carbon footprint and impact on the environment by not creating more items and also disposing of less.

I have more space in my house and less items to manage. This means less furniture to store toys on, less baskets and boxes. My children focus better on their play and use their creativity and imagination. They don’t get as distracted from what they are playing with because there is less choice. Packing up doesn’t take as long as it used to. I no longer spend my evenings tidying up and sorting out all the things. It means I can be more present in the daytime too and actively play with my boys, rather than stressing about the mess and cleaning up after them.

Becoming more minimal has improved our financial situation. We avoid shopping centres and junk mail catalogs that tell us we need more. We unsubscribe from pesky emails alerting us to new products and items on sale. It saves us money and means relatives don’t need to spend lots of cash on presents. Whatever we don’t use or love, we sell to fund toys that we will. We get outside more and enjoy free activities, or pay for fun experiences instead of lining shelves with more toys.

As I’ve continued to declutter our home, I’ve had more energy and brain space to begin some side hustles. This has turned mere hobbies into income streams.

Reducing our stuff has helped me thrive in my season of motherhood. I am more happy and present, able to live in the moment. I feel more calm. My children play better together and argue less about which toy is theirs. Being a mum doesn’t mean it has to be hard or have your days spent managing all the things.

Money, Minimalism and Motherhood is so closely intertwined for me. I can’t help but write about each of these things because one affects the other.

I love seeing women embrace and thrive in their stage of life (especially if you’re in the season of motherhood), manage their money well and live with less.

Thanks for being here and being part of this wonderful community. I’m so very grateful for you all.